So far so good

I had some betas last week... 18 dpo my level was 1051, and day 20 it had risen to 2345. A doubling time of about 40 hrs. Pretty good! But I still have those nagging thoughts that all is not well. Yesterday I didn't feel pregnant at all. Until the end of the day when I took my bra off and it HURT! Ohhh the big heavy boobies!! I see my doctor again tomorrow and she will order some more blood tests, and talk about when to do an ultrasound (depending on the blood results). It's all so painstakingly SLOW!!

A squinter

Well I can't quite believe it, but I have a BFP!! Faint but it's there. I'm not actually due for 3 more days but have symptoms so couldn't help testing. It doesn't feel real, and in my experience, a pregnancy certainly does not always result in a baby. So I kinda feel a bit numb. Trying not to get excited but don't want to be too negative. The fear hasn't really kicked in yet! So for now... Just taking it one slow day at a time.

I'm a goose

Yessss well, a couple of hours after my last post I got my period. So now I kinda feel like a silly goose... Again! Oh well, shit happens. Now for the good news.... Today I quit my job! I work 4 days a week, and have been since October. And it's just been wayyyy too much. I miss my bub. I'm tired. I need more time to get stuff done! We might struggle financially a bit, especially since we are building a house, but we just have to learn to cut back a bit on luxuries. And I'll pick up a bit of casual and temp work when I need to. So I'm really happy :-)

Another month, another 2ww

I'm at the end of another cycle. Which means its a month since I blogged!! Yep, pretty hopeless at blogging. Anyway.... Last month I didn't get pregnant. So here I am at the end of another 2ww overanalysing every little twinge and possible symptom. Sore boobs, a bad headache yesterday, slight constipation... All symptoms I had when I last got pregnant. And all premenstrual symptoms as well! So far I've restrained myself from buying a pregnancy test. My period is due today, and I'm constantly checking... But nothing yet! I wish I knew one way or the other ( but feel stupid testing and seeing the negative come up). Lord, give me patience!!!!

A squinter. Maybe?

Well today I an CD 30. And have an average cycle of 33 days. And today I just got too impatient and POAS. Now I wish I didn't! I can't really tell, possibly there's something there, but maybe it's just my eyes playing tricks on me. Surely if it was positive there'd be something to see by now? It brought back all the old feelings of trying for #1, our beautiful girl. So now I don't know what to do.... Pee on another one tomorrow? Or just wait for AF to show up. Probably cheaper to just wait lol!

I think I ovulated

Today... I'm pretty sure I ovulated. I'm not taking temps or doing any formal monitoring, it's just that I'm at day 15... And, well, The signs are there. And we are going to make an attempt (might be too late for this cycle) tonight! I know, I know, I said we weren't going to try anymore. But this train is kinda hard to get off. And it's a woman's prerogative to change her mind.....and ignore the fears ..... and take a leap of faith. I've been reading some preggy blogs lately, and you guys are inspiring me! Wish me luck!!

No balance but very blessed

I meant to write for the PAIL monthly topic, and I'm not exactly sure but I think this might be a tad too late. Bub is now 11 months old and I have been back at work for about a month. And I am NOT COPING! I am working 4 days a week, and it is just too much. I might cope better with it if the job were more enjoyable, but it's not that great. But it does mean I have something else to talk about other than my gorgeous baby! And it does pay well, which is why I am there. Financially we cannot manage on just my husbands wage, and our debts especially credit card, are getting worse. I feel I am stuck in this situation for now. I miss bub so much when I am not with her. It feels as if some part of our bond is breaking. She shares her days between her two sets of grandparents, and her bond with them is growing which is sweet to see. But I miss her. I'm disorganized. I forget things. Like sending her lunch with her. Or her pram for the grandparents (they ended up buying their own in the end). I can't get dinner ready on time so for now we get meals delivered (it's supposed to be a weight loss program, but for us it's weight loss plus convenience). Christmas was great, but a blur of food, lots of people, stifling heat, juggling church, 3 meals in different locations, and hiding the fact that 3 good friends bought bub the same (very expensive) present. The best Christmas I've had in years, and I took hundreds of photos. My life is disorganized chaos, but this year I would have to say has been the best year ever, I've never laughed so much, or had such a full heart. So blessed.