Confused

I don't know what to think. Or what I want. I seem to still be subconsciously TTC #2... Taking note of my cycle, watching for signs of ovulating. But not temping, or charting, or peeing on anything. Hubby announced he is happy to stop trying, that he is happy with just the one. He admitted he didn't know if he could cope with two. I kinda feel the same. I am struggling physically with bub, having a bad back, and now she is getting heavier it's getting harder. Hubby loves bub dearly but he's just not as hands on as I would like him to be. I don't know how I would cope physically with two. Or even another pregnancy. Yet yesterday he caught me rubbing/ cradling my boob and instantly smiled a sly wicked grin, announcing that I MUST be pregnant. Because that's what I did when I was pregnant before. He got excited about it. And I have to admit the thought of it made me smile. I'm CD30 but have an average cycle of anything between 29 and 35 these days. So I'll find out soon enough. I thought of buying a test but figured it was a waste of money... My period will come soon enough and then I'll know for free. I don't FEEL pregnant. I really don't think I am. So are we in denial about not trying for another? Or are we just trying to protect ourselves from the pain of trying each month and not getting anywhere? Or are we truly honestly happy to leave things as they are? I really don't know.

MIL

A few posts ago I promised to write about my MIL. Sometimes she drives me crazy, but we've never really had a falling out. She has fallen out with another of her DIL's and I get glimpses of her irrational petty hateful side. I am currently in the good books but can see hoe easily this could change. So far we've avoided it, mainly because I hate confrontation, and my hubby loves it so he takes her on which saves me!! The worst was when bubs was first born, and MIL came in the next morning (we allowed no visitors on the birth day!) with the FLU! To a neonatal ward! She was trying to hide it, and holding my baby. Somehow I came out of my fog enough to notice it (hubby was out playing cricket) and made my excuses that I needed to take her to the nursery for her feed and to get help from the midwife. Then hubby told her to stay away until she was better, and she got all upset accusing us of trying to keep her away. She couldn't understand we just didn't want the baby sick. So irrational. It's never been as bas as that again, but she has little digs occasionally, usually the complaint that she doesnt see us (bubs) enough, that my mum sees her more blah blah blah. They're actually away on holidays for 3 months at the moment so it's nice and peaceful, and I can even say I am missing her just a little. She truly loves my bub and at the end of the day she's not so bad. I am grateful that it's as good as it is. After reading the experiences of others here I realise it could be much much worse!