No balance but very blessed

I meant to write for the PAIL monthly topic, and I'm not exactly sure but I think this might be a tad too late. Bub is now 11 months old and I have been back at work for about a month. And I am NOT COPING! I am working 4 days a week, and it is just too much. I might cope better with it if the job were more enjoyable, but it's not that great. But it does mean I have something else to talk about other than my gorgeous baby! And it does pay well, which is why I am there. Financially we cannot manage on just my husbands wage, and our debts especially credit card, are getting worse. I feel I am stuck in this situation for now. I miss bub so much when I am not with her. It feels as if some part of our bond is breaking. She shares her days between her two sets of grandparents, and her bond with them is growing which is sweet to see. But I miss her. I'm disorganized. I forget things. Like sending her lunch with her. Or her pram for the grandparents (they ended up buying their own in the end). I can't get dinner ready on time so for now we get meals delivered (it's supposed to be a weight loss program, but for us it's weight loss plus convenience). Christmas was great, but a blur of food, lots of people, stifling heat, juggling church, 3 meals in different locations, and hiding the fact that 3 good friends bought bub the same (very expensive) present. The best Christmas I've had in years, and I took hundreds of photos. My life is disorganized chaos, but this year I would have to say has been the best year ever, I've never laughed so much, or had such a full heart. So blessed.